Let's Play Cave Story
by RoninOfHell
Summary: Extends the epilogue of Agents of Metal Part 3. Fueled by absinthe, Ian and co. set out on a marathon session to finish the game he once abandoned in disgust, after it contained too many coincidences with his own adventures. Warning: contains heavy spoilers to the whole of Cave Story.
1. Chapter 1

_AN: A heavy supply of absinthe and a laptop with barely enough available CPU power ... it's almost self-evident what it will lead to! Thanks to omen mortis for the idea of timestamps! Story also owes quite a bit to ArmageddonClan's AoM FF. Warning: complete and total spoilers for the game Cave Story! The point of this story may be a little hard to find, but perhaps it is in there somewhere._

 _The story begins right at where Agents of Metal Pt.3 left off._

...

 _8:20 p.m._

The raft with the Ka on it had sunken beneath the ocean surface completely. Some smoke still drifted above the beach, but it was fast dissipating, and soon there would be no evidence of the Viking funeral at all.

Ian thought his head was spinning, not only from the absinthe, but the absolute craziness of the story Erik had unloaded on him. Dimensional gates ... bun pudding ... humongous cats representing the absolute good and absolute evil. It made honestly zero sense. Well, little in Ian's own life did, either. Except that they were now here, the three of them. After all the adventures and warfare were over.

"Fuck," Jo broke the silence. "Lucky there was no audience. This was quite an environmental crime, if you think of it."

"Well, the Ka was also quite the hero," Erik replied in a gravelly voice.

"Wouldn't want to try to explain that to a judge. But right, done what's done."

"Maybe you should just drink more."

Ian remembered that phrase vaguely. It was something Jo had said to him, in their tour van, ages ago. And for a moment he felt emotional – was it something that had been forever wiped to /dev/null when Jo had purged the rogue SCEPTRE personality from her head? He didn't want to ask, to spoil the moment.

Instead, maybe they all just needed to drink more.

...

 _8:45 p.m._

The crimes kept piling on – now Erik was also guilty of drunk driving, taking them with the pickup truck back to the small wooden cottage Ian and Jo were staying at. But again, no witnesses, and no-one harmed in the process. If the absinthe session was to continue for long, it was certainly better to continue it here than at the beach.

Ian unloaded the laptop they had used for the raft construction guidance from his backpack onto the living room table. He caught Erik staring at it in a prolonged manner, which was odd.

"Hey. What was it about – back at the Agent HQ after your undercover assignment as the satanist coder hero? You said you'd played something you never wanted to play again?"

That too, sent Ian's head spinning some more. The weekend of pure agony and hangover, in the middle of IKEA furniture yet to be assembled, under SCEPTRE's electronic surveillance.

Ian also certainly remembered the game.

"Cave Story," he said with spite.

"I remember you imagined yourself and me as the characters," Jo laughed. "They were named after ... punctuation marks? I'd want to see that too."

Ian thought his hand had been forced. Two against one. He tried to prepare himself mentally, and switched the laptop on.

The first problem was where to find the game. Downloading it on the sluggish 2G connection could take ages. Erik was already preparing the next round of drinks, and it was possible their condition would advance to perilous depths before they even got to play.

...

 _9:05 p.m._

The problem was actually less than Ian had imagined. The original game in Japanese was only a 1 MB download, plus a further half MB patch for the English translation.

Before they'd start to play for real, there was just one thing to do. The game would get hard as hell, especially later on, and their condition sure as hell wouldn't allow the precise maneuvering that was needed to survive.

So, one last download, a trainer program that would grant unlimited health. Yes, excellent.

Now they were ready.

...

 _9:15 p.m._

 _First cave_

"So... yeah. You're Quote, a killer robot with no memory. Though you aren't supposed to know that yet. And the basic idea is, go through these caves until you can escape. You're actually on a floating island," Ian briefed them. Jo was at the keys, with Erik looking close by, half of his absinthe glass remaining. "Z and X fire and jump. A and S cycle weapons."

"I can't fire yet," Jo said.

"You don't have a gun yet."

Soon after venturing further, Quote was ambushed by spherical creatures jumping out of the water.

"Those are kind of cute ... but fuck, they're lethal!" Jo shouted, barely avoiding them.

"Good that SCEPTRE was never cute," Erik growled and finished his drink.

Aided by the unlimited health cheat, it didn't take long for Quote to steal his first weapon, which was a basic pistol called Polar Star.

...

 _9:25 p.m._

 _Mimiga Village_

The story started opening up, with the evil Doctor ruling the island being mentioned for the first time. Quote was now exploring a friendly village where the rabbit-like Mimigas lived. Ian began on his next drink of absinthe.

Some more adventuring, and Quote was ambushed by a robot resembling a toaster.

It could have been a challenge, but with no risk of death, the encounter was quickly over. Ian almost felt sorry for it. Balrog, it was called. Was that a copyright violation? Ian thought, but didn't consider it for more than an instant.

...

 _9:40 p.m._

 _Egg Corridor_

Meeting more characters, among them a scientist who enabled Quote to teleport to elsewhere. And the drunkenness of all of them certainly advancing.

Here, the music sped up, and the enemies became bigger, resembling elephants ... on absinthe? Or some other rage-inducing chemical. At least they were not pink. The "egg corridor" also lived up to its name, with huge eggs at regular intervals. Something evil was probably being hatched inside them.

"You're just shooting everything that moves. Nothing special," Erik commented. "Though I get it, that the killer robot equates to a SCEPTRE trainee."

"It will get worse," Ian said. "Just wait."

...

 _10:00 p.m._

 _Grasstown_

Like the name said, lots of grass. And death traps, which weren't particularly dangerous now. A lot of bats, and enlarged versions of the cute spherical creatures, who by now had rotors so they could fly.

"Fuck, still no proper weaponry," Erik said. "Good we never had it that bad."

"We couldn't heal by just collecting hearts either," Jo retorted.

Ian just shook his head and drank the absinthe. Another glass was nearing its end, and he had lost count already. Thankfully he had added water liberally. Otherwise passing out could have been a reality already.

It was kind of absurd to think of hardened ex-Agents playing a video game. Though maybe it meant that they were reverting to their civilian selves little by little? If they never needed to save the world again, that was the preferable thing to happen.

...

 _10:45 p.m._

 _Sand Zone_

The puzzles in Grasstown had slowed their progress significantly. But finally Quote was in another zone, a desert, having been given the task of destroying the madness-inducing red flowers the Doctor would use for his evil purposes. They could be used to weaponize the otherwise peaceful Mimigas.

As he ventured further, Quote was ambush by a blond-haired female battle robot, armed with a submachinegun. She mistook Quote to be on the Doctor's side, opened fire, and Quote had no choice but to defend himself.

"That's kind of like ... Kim," Erik said. His voice was already profoundly slurred.

Ian was kind of amused ... or relieved. To him this scene rather reminded of him fighting Jo inside SCEPTRE's pyramid, but it was good if there were other interpretations.

"What do I answer here?" Jo asked, as the fight was over. The other robot was asking Quote whether he was going to kill everyone now.

"It probably doesn't matter," Ian said.

"I'm supposed to be the hero, so I'll go with No."

The robot introduced herself.

"So, this is Curly. And ... do I trade to the machine gun?"

"Yes, definitely."

Ian felt like continuing to a minor monologue. "The game doesn't spell it out to you, but it's obvious the robots are a ... battle couple. And most of the fans agree. But the game makes that optional, in a rather cruel manner. You'll see."

Erik seemed thoughtful, and Ian wondered if he was thinking of Kim some more.

"Reminds me of what Jeff Hanneman once said. _There's nothing I put in the lyrics that says necessarily he was a bad man because to me - well, isn't that obvious? I shouldn't have to tell you that,_ " Erik spoke.

Ian almost had to laugh. To make a mental leap from that into Slayer's lyrics – it was something only Erik could manage.

But Hanneman had remembered wrong, hadn't he? The final line went "Rancid angel of death – flying free." Rancid. That was some kind of value judgement.

...

 _11.25 p.m._

The Sand Zone, too, seemed to stretch to almost eternity. Quote was sidetracked to retrieve a witch's five dogs, before he finally could reach the storage where the red flowers were being kept.

Once inside at last, the evilness began properly.

The Doctor himself appeared, along with his minions, the toaster Balrog and a blue-haired goth called Misery. Ian made a connection he had not made before – the Doctor obviously represented SCEPTRE's head of science, the hawk-nosed Baphomet. They certainly shared the callous disregard for life.

One of the Mimigas was force-fed the flowers, upon which she became frenzied, and Quote was forced into a fight to the death. Before this, the village king had also sacrificed himself uselessly, leaving only his sword behind.

And finally, when Quote finally exited the storage, he was stomped by Balrog and teleported away by Misery to the depths of a Labyrinth.

Though Jo had been calm before, now even she seemed shocked by this sequence of gut punches. "Fuck. Now I see. The author of this game is evil."

"It will get worse," Ian repeated.


	2. Chapter 2

_11:_ _50_ _p.m._

 _Labyrinth_

Quote's journey in the Labyrinth prison went on, fighting against hordes of what seemed to be blade-wielding dogs. Not before long, he ran into Curly again, who needed healing after sustaining an injury, having apparently fallen to the same Labyrinth depths too.

Jo thought by now both Ian and Erik were too drunk to properly prepare a glass of absinthe, so she took a momentary break from the laptop to do it herself.

Ian was up for providing commentary, though. "So. Yeah. This is where comparing to you doesn't quite ... work. Because after the beginning, Curly always needs to be healed or something. And you're not ... like that at all."

That was somewhat odd to hear. Jo wasn't sure whether to feel flattered. But the whole night was turning into a twilight zone of its own.

Absinthe at hand, Jo returned at the laptop. In the meanwhile Ian had played a little further, so that Quote and Curly were at a boulder they were supposed to move aside together. Erik was almost completely catatonic.

"Hey, you go on. I'll enjoy this drink," Jo said.

"Fine. Now, this is almost the best part. But you know it won't last," Ian replied somewhat cryptically.

The Labyrinth went on, and the two robots were now laying waste to the hordes of enemies together. For the most part, Curly seemed to be bouncing around randomly, but she was not hurt by the enemies' return fire at all, so having her around was just an extra advantage.

...

 _12:15 a.m._

 _Core_

"OK. This is where the shit gets heavy," Ian said. "It was about here when I quit last time. But the absinthe is helping now."

The music had turned quieter and ominous, as Quote and Curly were exploring a deserted computer complex of some kind.

A sequence of switches that needed to be hit, and soon the robots were facing a large, almost amorphous dark-green creature.

"That's the core ... which keeps the island afloat. Or something."

The tune changed to a faster triplet beat. Erik seemed to be jolted awake by this, as it clearly resembled metal, and started a drum beat against the floor. The goth-looking Misery appeared again, taunting the heroes, and an epic fight against the core started.

Before it could get irreversibly damaged so as to cause the island to fall, the Doctor himself returned to teleport it away, and the chamber got flooded. The music stopped, leaving just the air meter to tick down relentlessly.

"So now you drown?" Jo asked.

"Yeah."

The screen went black.

 _Your senses dim, and the world grows dark..._

More text started to scroll on the screen, telling of the witch's brother, and Jo kind of zoned out. Was it to present the feeling of a dying hallucination?

Finally there was a message that the player character could breathe again, and the screen returned.

"I get it. That's kind of sad. And cute," Jo said, as she understood that Curly had given her permanent air bubble to Quote, so that he could go on fighting.

And she had to think ... if Ian was dead-set on comparing them to these fictional characters, surely she hadn't done anything like that in their adventures? But then, if the situation had demanded...? In any case, it was not a pleasant train of thought.

But the game had certainly succeeded in evoking some feels, despite almost everything about it being rather crude, like the games Jo had seen in her childhood.

"So she's finished ... or not?" Jo asked.

Ian's voice appeared slow. Explaining probably took a disproportionate effort now due to all the absinthe coursing in his system. "This is some not-very-logical shit. But basically, when we did a certain decision earlier – we didn't talk to the scientist at the bottom of the Labyrinth pit – there's now something we can use -"

Ian guided Quote to the bottom of the flooded chamber, where he picked up a shiny object, that turned out to be a – tow rope?

And Jo understood that it would become an epic towing adventure from this point on.

...

 _12:35 a.m._

 _Waterway_

The journey continued through treacherous water currents, with Curly held on Quote's back by the rope.

In the middle of the waterway, there was suddenly a small hut that seemed rather out of place.

"This is another evil part. Which you'd probably miss if not using a guide. You have to stop at this little house right now."

Jo looked on. The coincidences kept piling on. The house contained a bookshelf that just happened to have a manual for treating flooded robots.

"So now she's no longer in risk of dying. But she needs time to reboot," Ian said. Something in his voice told Jo that this was unpleasant – possibly triggering – material. But she wanted to understand, even at this moment, even at the risk of potentially souring the atmosphere.

"So does that compare to something ... in reality, I mean?" Jo asked.

Ian took his time to answer, staring at the screen. "Well. Kind of. The mission to the first pyramid. It's all from there. You remember anything of it?"

Jo had to think. Hard. She possibly remembered – a mushroom cloud? A nuke going off? But it was just a fragment.

"Not much."

"Maybe it's better that way. There's one possibly funny part. There was – like an army of SCEPTRE goons there. We were in disguise but had to get out fast. I - dropped flashbangs and then I used you for ear plugs. And because we're still here, I guess it worked."

Jo was not sure if she felt exactly honored, but certainly everyone could not say to have achieved the same.

"I remember," Erik drawled. "Meanwhile we were on the other side of Patagonia, or whatever. With my leg shot to shit. And Gwen ... she did the most WTF thing I ever saw in my short Agent career. Reprogramming the missile to your location. I was almost ready to strangle her! But ... it worked out."

The words carried the uneasy implication that later, for Gwen herself, things didn't go as lucky. To remain forever on Nibiru, fatally wounded, but managing to arm the Earth-saving nanomunitions.

Ian continued in a very deadpan tone, mostly ignoring what Erik had said.

"But yeah, if it was like ... you rebooting after drinking too much absinthe, and I knew there was actually nothing to worry about, then ... it'd be different, right? Then I could just watch you and sink into some weird world within myself and feel all fluffy, but also hope that the hangover won't be too bad ... Fuck, I should just shut up."

At this point Jo had to close her eyes. It was kind of much. But it was unmistakably a hundred percent what Ian was and could not, or should not, be changed.

...

 _12:45 a.m._

 _Main Artery_

As the waterway maze was left behind, the music picked up speed, which was a signal that a fight was again about to happen, this time in the water current. Predictably, Erik was roused to more awareness.

"Fucking speed metal again," he said.

The fight involved a school of fish that could occasionally puff up into spiky forms, as well as a robotic boss-fish.

After the fight was over, Curly appeared to drift away, while Quote ended up in a pond, back in the Mimiga village.

"The game's being cruel again," Ian remarked. "But wait. Like I said, I never played past this point myself. But I looked up a playthrough video. Not long, and we'll hit the best music ever."

...

 _1:00 a.m._

 _Egg Corridor_

At this point Quote had a jetpack of sorts, that would boost him up for short distances. It made things a bit easier. He was visiting the corridor again, now it was very much trashed. Some of the eggs appeared broken. Jo could also pick up the music being different, urgent and almost epic.

"That's the song?" she asked.

"No, not this one yet."

A boss fight against twin dragons followed, being not much of a difficulty.

Then, Quote met a friendly guy (one of the very few actual humans) who offered him a ride out, on the back of a hatched, just as friendly dragon.

"That'd be the first ending. The worst one. But we'll keep fighting," Ian said.

...

 _1:15 a.m._

 _Outer Wall_

"OK. This is the one. It's called Moonsong. It's just ... emo as fuck," Ian proclaimed.

Quote was now alone, climbing the outer wall of the island with the help of the jetpack, the moon staring at him from the sky.

And Jo listened.

Obviously, it was a minor key song, with very simple instrumentation. It was quite good. Quite emo. But the best song ever? Jo didn't know. Maybe it was a very specific mental state you needed.

Like...

If ... she was climbing some humongous mountain and if she climbed far enough, she might just see Ian again. Or then not. Or maybe not even Ian at all, but her estranged Dad, who at this point could have no idea of the adventures she had lived through.

Fuck. It didn't take much. That was indeed very emo, and she could appreciate the song more now. But now she needed to shake those ideas from her mind. She still had quarter of absinthe remaining in the glass. That should do the trick.

...

 _1:35 a.m._

 _Plantation_

"Fuck. I can no longer think straight," Ian said, as Quote was lost within fields where the Mimigas were growing crops, apparently under the Doctor's command. The end was possibly within sight now.

"Consult the net?" Jo said, going for her cell phone. It had the same awful 2G net connection, but maybe it would just be enough.

"Thanks, Curly. Just what we need."

Jo submerged herself to one of the several solutions for the game.

"OK. So you need to disguise yourself as a Mimiga. And build a rocket to reach the top ... And ... we're going for the best ending?"

"Of course."

"Then you need to find Curly and restore her memories. With a talking mushroom you need to backtrack to. Fuck. I just realized ... that's ... just like me again."

Erik snapped to half-consciousness.

"You ate a mushroom?" he asked.

Jo hesitated a bit. It was a period of her life she had wanted to forget, when very little seemed to make sense, but she had clawed her way out.

"No ... for me, I guess it was the steering wheel of the Ka. It smelled so bad, it triggered a memory," she answered last.

"Fuck. Can imagine," Erik growled, then went on. "I hated that car so much I wanted to shit inside. But it got burned first."

That was new information to Jo. She was almost amused, but thought of how it had been very much a shit time for all of them. Being an Agent didn't exactly reward. But now things were certainly headed for the better.

...

 _1:50 a.m._

 _Mimiga Village_

Quote was making his way back to find the mushroom.

...

 _1:55 a.m._

 _Graveyard_

"OK. Boost yourself up to that door and you should find it. Beware, there'll be a conversation that makes almost no sense," Jo warned. "But I'll walk you through it."

Quote got inside the room at the top of the graveyard and confronted the mushroom.

 _You got some business with me?_ it asked.

"Yes to that."

 _Hm. Amnesia. How awful._

 _Well then. Do you want me to give you the Mushroom badge?_

"Yes."

 _But in reality, you don't really want it, right?_

"No."

 _You want it that much?_

"Yes."

 _You want it absolutely positively no matter what?_

"Yes."

 _But really you don't want it, right?_

"No."

 _Fine, here you go!_

Quote got the mushroom badge.

"OK. That's no use yet. It's just trying to screw with you - you need the mushroom itself. Talk to it again."

 _Hwahaha! Found me out, eh? That's nothing more than a silly badge!_

 _What? You want to eat me?!_

 _I'll have you know that I am a valuable, valuable mushroom like no other in all the caves!_

 _Grrrrrr! I'm not gonna just let you eat me up! Die!_

Jo could barely suppress laughing. "Now you'll have to fight it."

The little mushroom would be completely curb-stomped. To its credit it could do a flying attack, and make rubbish (or even clones of itself) fall from the ceiling, but against Quote's unlimited health, it would not do much good.

Finally, it was all over.

 _You win..._

With the mushroom at hand, Quote exited.

...

 _2:10 a.m._

 _Plantation_

Jo couldn't deny it was a heartwarming moment when Curly was force-fed the mushroom, got her memories back, and revealed the robots' names and shared history finally.

And now, everything was ready for the final war. To ride the rocket to the top of the plantation, and to whatever horrors waited there.


	3. Chapter 3

_2:18 a.m._

 _Last Cave (Hidden)_

 _ _You feel a black wind blow through you. All weapons dropped to level 1!__ the dialog on the screen read.

"Black wind. Metal as fuck," Ian said. "Hey Erik, you want to take over?"

"Hell no."

Jo would have expected Erik to have commented on the metalness instead. She still had the walkthrough at hand, and consulted it. "So that ... black wind stuff ... doesn't happen unless you're on track for the best ending?"

"Yeah. It makes little sense," Ian replied. "Maybe it's the island itself opposing your battle couple."

Quote fought on through the gloomy cave, filled with lava and red-colored variations of the cute spherical creatures.

He certainly would have died countless times, if not for the cheat.

"We're nearing the final battles," Ian said.

It had taken only about five hours, and a lot of absinthe. Fatigue was certainly setting in, but they couldn't stop this close, right?

...

 _2:30 a.m._

 _Balcony_

Quote emerged outside, what seemed to be the very top of the island. Jo was at the controls now, with Ian consulting the solution.

"Remember that hut you passed. It will give access to Hell. Or Sacred Grounds. However you want to call it."

Interesting, if Hell was sacred. It would possibly make sense in time ... or then not.

...

 _2:35 a.m._

 _Misery bossfight_

The blue-haired goth tried her best, summoning lightning from the sky, but did not stand much of a chance.

...

 _2:40 a.m._

 _Doctor bossfight_

Quote climbed up the stairs to the Doctor's domain at last.

His two forms (unmutated and mutated) did not present much of a threat. For just a passing moment, Jo thought that they should someday play without cheats. But no. This was the just the right way to enjoy this game.

...

 _2:45 a.m._

 _Undead Core bossfight_

Quote climbed further up, to come face-to-face with the island's core again. Misery was still in the game, but was grotesquely mutated by the evil power of the Doctor's crown. Or something. Jo thought that modified slightly, the story could easily be written in metal form. It helped that the music at this point was some kind of horror speed metal, using evil chromatic melodies.

This fight was longer, with the core shooting a huge energy beam that likely would have caused instant vaporization, but finally, it was over too, with the core going down and exploding in a huge flash of light.

And everything started to crumble and shake.

"Load-bearing boss," Ian remarked. "That's what they call it at tvtropes."

Jo remembered the site – during the stay at Vlad's place Ian had been reading it excessively. To categorize everything in minute detail – it was funny, but also somewhat ... obsessive? Reductive?

"OK. Now run, but remember to step inside the hut when you get back to it."

...

 _2:55 a.m._

 _Sacred Grounds_

It kind of started to make sense. The game was now telling its ultimate backstory – of the tortured magician Ballos who had put the whole story of the demon crown into motion. Jo had her hands full trying to navigate the maze of spiky pits using the jetpack, and again, she mostly zoned out of the text dialogs.

She reached the bottom of the first passage.

"And yeah. We meet Curly again. Makes little sense how she ended up here," Ian said.

To progress, it was necessary to take the apparently unconscious battle robot into tow again.

Going further, the battle escalated with flying ... cherubs? And blocks of falling stone. None of which were a threat against the infinite health.

"So Curly just sits there on your back?" Jo asked.

"No, wait, you need to go a bit further."

Indeed, on reaching the next passage she woke up and began to shoot in the opposite direction to Quote. Not as funny as when she was bouncing around, but perhaps ... more controlled.

"I remember you talking about that. Firing in opposite directions," Jo said.

"Yeah. That was from watching the video. And I think – we used the tactic ourselves at some point?"

...

 _3:10 a.m._

 _Heavy Press bossfight_

It died.

...

 _3:15 a.m._

 _Corridor_

Quote and Curly emerged briefly to the outside.

"The ultimate final fight is inside that door," Ian said.

Erik lumbered over to the kitchen counter to fix one last drink of absinthe. "Hey. Wait a bit." His voice was at least an octave down from normal, which was low to begin with.

And it was true, the journey had been long and epic. Erik's decision was certainly the right one.

"I'll fix one for you too?" Jo asked Ian.

"Sure."

...

 _3:20 a.m._

 _Seal Chamber_

It was a fitting place for the final confrontation. Piles of skulls and spikes lying on the ground. Very metal, again.

Quote walked forward, until coming face-to-face with the huge-headed magician.

He practically asked to be killed.

And naturally, they would gladly oblige.

Jo took a long drink from her glass, pressed a key to proceed from the final tortured line of dialogue, and the battle began.

Fuck.

She had no idea how it could possibly be survivable normally. At first, the magician was just himself, but after being killed once ...

He returned as an absolutely monstrous sphere, with smaller grotesque eye-balls orbiting.

The ground began to fill with exposed spikes, forcing Quote to keep off it constantly.

The screen was so full of smoke and projectiles and bow-wielding cherubs and rubble that the laptop began to slow down.

Finally, the last form of the magician could be injured.

"Die already," Jo growled. There was no actual danger, but still the desperation was real.

One last shot, and Ballos exploded in a burst of white light.

And it was ... over?

The screen cut away, depicting the island still falling, until it stopped at last.

Back in the chamber, Curly was already celebrating the victory.

Until pure fucking doom metal music started, and walls consisting of skulls began to close in. The dialogue (presumably Ballos) was also like from Hell itself.

 _It hurts... So... hot... the pain..._

Had it not been for the absinthe, it certainly would not have been as effective. But experienced in this state, it was certainly the pinnacle of horror.

"Whoever wrote this ... understood doom ... perfectly," Erik slurred.

The advancing walls of skulls got ever closer.

"And it's also ... a literal wall of death," he added.

At the last moment, when being crushed was imminent, the toaster – Balrog - appeared to whisk the heroes to safety.

And Jo could make only one mental connection. It represented the Ka.

Particularly, when in the next scene they were flying away on top of it, wondering what destination they would choose. That fit just too perfectly.

In all, it was a perfect ending to the epic battle. Jo couldn't even properly describe what she was feeling now. Probably something fluffy.

The credits rolled, with more upbeat music playing, and the three of them got up from the laptop at last.

"Well, that was it," Ian said. "It was ... an experience."

Jo could do nothing but agree. But she also thought that the night itself was far from over. Being still high from the absinthe ... eventually she would have to come down. That was possibly even scarier than the wall of skulls.

...

 _3:33 a.m._

Jo didn't even remember who had gotten the idea first. It wasn't possibly the wisest ever right now. But yet, like playing the game, of course it just had to be done. To act out Quote and Curly in reality while the high still lasted.

The night air felt pleasantly cool as they hurtled through the sand in the dark, Jo riding on Ian's back. She vaguely remembered that Iron Maiden had done something similar – Murray playing guitar atop Dickinson's shoulders, while he also sang.

At least they didn't have guns firing in opposite directions. That would have been likely fatal.

"Fuuu -"

Guns or not, that didn't sound good. And suddenly they were flying through the air. Ian had possibly tripped on a rock or something.

A second later the two of them landed in a chaotic heap. Jo couldn't immediately tell who was on top, but any severe hurt did not register, at least immediately.

For some reason she thought – macabrely - of the last part of the Matrix trilogy, with either of them having something sharp protruding through their body.

But no. It was just sand all around. Rather pleasant, actually.

"I don't want to get up," Ian almost whispered from somewhere close to her.

"Me neither."

By now Jo had some sense of direction, to know which way was up. At least judging from the stars high above.

Ian leaned closer to kiss her. Just at the moment it was hard to not think of him as Quote. And if a kiss could be described as peaceful, this was probably it.

Until Jo realized it was a bit too peaceful. Ian had met his match from the absinthe at last, and fallen asleep.

For some time, Jo held on to him, listening to the sound of waves from some distance away. There still was no especial need to get up.

Finally Jo realized that eventually she'd need to get him back inside.

"Erik!" she shouted, making the almost immediate Nargaroth connection. One of their songs started with a very similar shout.

...

 _3:45 a.m._

Back inside. Ian was on his side in the bed, not vomiting or anything so far.

By now, Jo recognized the unmistakable onset of hangover. It was time to pay for the unforgettable evening. She drank some water in preparation.

Erik's condition was surprisingly sharp now. Possibly helping to haul Ian inside had allowed him to focus.

"You're probably bored to death with the 'what do you remember' questions, but I have to ask one more ... remember when I had just joined, and it was the first time we talked properly?"

Jo didn't have to think for long. She did.

"Sure. That's when I got the introduction to your ideology. Survival and shit."

"It was so simple then. Just talk. Fuck."

Back when they still just had a band, when they had no idea there even were Agents and SCEPTRE running around. Certainly, it was worth of a "fuck" or two.

But Jo thought to turn the discussion to something else. Though she was not sure if Erik would just refuse the subject.

"So, I caught you saying Curly reminded you of that – night guard who shot you with a stun gun and then you went for drinks? Did it go like that?"

"It did. Exactly. And -"

Erik sunk into his thoughts for a moment.

"It's like, she had some crazy stories. Which I don't want to dispute. And I have mine. And we got along. But you and Ian - you have your shared shit. So that's different. But it's not like I envy you. To tell the truth, everything you've gone through is unsafe to even think of while sober. But in my case ... what I'm kind of afraid is, that if I have flown a fucking IAC, and Kim has seen the fucking Longcat duking it out with its evil twin, then it's like ... the merging of two universes which don't make any sense. Something very messed up could happen. Fuck. _I'm_ not making any sense. Forget what I said."

"No worries. I think the absinthe will take care of that."

Somehow Jo thought Erik had now revealed more of himself than he had ever done before. And it would possibly not repeat, for a long time at least.

"I don't think you need to be afraid though," she added. Though it was not like Erik at all, she just had to imagine Erik and the night guard doing their similar Quote / Curly impersonation, and falling on their asses just the same.

"Thanks. Think I'll go to get some sleep in the truck now."

"No need -"

"Yes, there is. Back at my cabin Ian needed heavy-duty ear protectors, and you don't have any here."

"Whatever you say. Good night."

With that, Erik left the cottage, and Jo was left as the sole conscious person inside. What to do now? She thought that trying to get sleep immediately could possibly not be successful.

She decided to return to the laptop, thinking of the other site Ian had browsed a lot. Not tvtropes ... but what was it?

Fanfiction dot net?

Was there Cave Story fanfiction? She would find out.


	4. Epilogue

_Unspecified time. Too much light._

The headache was bad. But Ian thought he would live – it was not even the worst he had experienced. He had only barely coherent memories of the night. One thing was certain though - Cave Story had been beaten. Now they wouldn't ever need to return to it.

He took in his surroundings, trying to force the insistent pounding in his head to the background. Next to him, Jo had apparently been sleeping with all her clothes on. She made a sudden agonizing groan, which startled him.

"I made – the worst mistake I could," she explained.

Ian could not imagine what it would be, but it sounded very similar to how he had once considered _playing_ Cave Story as the worst mistake possible.

"I read Cave Story fanfiction."

Now Ian possibly understood where she was getting at.

"And then I couldn't get - any sleep at all. I thought the author of the game was evil, but it's nothing compared to the writers in there! Like, in one story the robots get their victory, but then it turns out they have hidden expiration dates. And then – fuck. I had forgotten about the thing in your chest. Like you could have one too. And I climbed next to you and just kept listening, somehow afraid that you'd die right there, after we'd finished the damn game."

Cave Story, absinthe and fanfiction. It was not a good combination. Ian could imagine the anguish, how the conclusion of the night had turned out for Jo. It was of course not an entirely unwarranted fear, but he had already had the artificial heart for months, with no problems to speak of.

But warranted or not, that was not the point. Ian had his philosophy related to this that he was at peace with – anyone could die at any point – but he didn't want to tell Jo that now.

"Hey. It's OK. Just imagine you're Curly and you're still rebooting. Can I get you something?"

Jo smiled at him, like what he'd said was very ridiculous, but also kind of appreciated. Possibly the best reaction he could think of.

...

There wasn't much variety in the fridge, but after some insistence, Jo had downed one glass of orange juice. It was not quite the same as ramming the mushroom in Curly's mouth, but there was some vague similarity to the idea. She probably wasn't going to get any more sleep, though.

For Ian, the pounding was still there. But there was no hurry. Definitely no need to get up yet. Through the curtains he saw the dark shape of Erik's pickup truck. Still in recovery mode as well.

Jo rolled slowly to face Ian.

"You said something ... about going to a place inside your head. That happening now?"

Ian had to mentally rewind to understand what she was even talking about. Then the memory hit him, and it was - embarrassing. But there was no real use to deny.

"Yeah. You ... just have that effect on me."

Jo's expression was somewhat hard to read. Just a little sad perhaps, not wanting that much power and responsibility.

"And what if I do this?"

She started to hum the melody of Moonsong. Ian couldn't even tell what the song represented to him now. Maybe, all the dreams they could fulfill. The thought was somewhat overwhelming. It'd possibly help if he inched closer, to Jo's lap.

"Still emo as fuck?" she asked, and Ian was not sure if Jo meant the song, or him. Either way fit.

"Yeah." The word came out as a very low rasp.

But he badly needed something else to think about. Something a bit more practical, instead of levitating in a fluffy cloud inside his mind. Finally he knew what.

"One thing we need to think about. Not necessarily today. Our next set of wheels."

Jo stopped the Moonsong melody, and considered for a moment.

"A Fiesta? It's almost as small and ugly. But more square. Like a - toaster?"

It seemed Cave Story would just not leave them alone. But there was no real reason to disagree. A Ford Fiesta was a very logical choice. Practical, cheap and anonymous. And also continuing the legacy of the Ka, which no other four-wheeled object would ever hope to beat, really.


End file.
